The life we live at home will have a lasting impact on the lives of our children. Our children are eternal souls, therefore investing in the lives of our children is a real and meaningful, eternal investment. Parenthood mustn’t be dumbed down to carpooling kids around to the best schools and extracurriculars in nice clothing and wrapping the nicest toys each year for Christmas….oh, and we take them to Sunday School every week. We must be more intentional than that, right? Of course! You know this. I know this. Our culture sells us something different, but we can do so much to live counter culturally and to parent in ways that matter for eternity.
On this ninth day of October, I am writing part two of yesterday’s post, Jesus In Your Home. This is part of my October series: 31 Days of Missional Living. To review part 1, I emphasized the obvious fact that I am not an expert on parenting. I’m raising three small children. We’ll see how they turn out and I’ll let you know whether or not I did a good job. {Help me, Lord.} Nevertheless, I mentioned the passions, experiences, and education in my life that give me a bit of what we call “schema” in teacher-world. In other words, I have some prior knowledge on the way children learn best. I repeat: this doesn’t make me an expert. Basically, I’m just a mom with a few ideas.
In our usual spirit of authenticity and community, I’m going to share my ideas with you. If you have this parenting thing down to a science, disregard my advice because I’m sort of parenting with a lot of “trial and error” mixed in with enough measurable successes to keep me trucking along…mostly enthusiastically. Amen?!
Friends, it matters that we give this child-rearing gig our very best fruits. So, here we go!
How can we be Missional in our own homes? How do we teach our own children about Jesus? How do we reach beyond the “head knowledge” of Bible lessons (super important, mind you) and church attendance (also important with the right emphasis)? Here’s a little peak into the things that {seem to} be effective that Bret and I have implemented in our home. Here we go!
1) First, we keep these conversations open and continuous at all times: Jesus, Jesus’ love, God, God’s love, the Bible stories and their application, what it means to follow Jesus as His disciple, loving others, serving others, faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, …you get the idea. Those conversations do not end. They are natural. It’s a natural part of my life. It’s a natural part of Bret’s life. We answer their questions and ask questions of them. It isn’t weird. We don’t believe our faith is private and we don’t treat it as a secret. We don’t put on our “church hat” or take off our “love of Jesus hat.” Now, hold the phone. This does not mean that I always show the love of Jesus. Goodness no. This means that I tell my children when I’ve messed up. I call my sin what it is: a sin. If Mommy goes ballistic because someone lost a shoe and it is time to leave and they all have “shoe drawers” to prevent the horrific “shoe loss,” mind you, (unfortunately a regular occurrence), Mommy confesses that sin and asks for forgiveness. We keep it real. We don’t switch in and out of “churchy.” That isn’t how I roll. No thank you.
2) About church: We emphasize the true meaning and function of “church,” in our home. The church has a true function for the Kingdom of God. We do not have to dress a certain way to go to the building that we call “church.” If it was a sign of respect for God, He would have written about it in His Holy Word, the Bible. Since He did not, we will put zero emphasis on that. Zero. I pitty the person who tries to teach my children otherwise because we don’t have time for legalistic traditions in the family of God. Now listen, I enjoy dressing up. I’m so on board with that. If they have dressy clothes in their wardrobes and they are not on their dirty clothes hampers, I will likely dress them up every week. The point is we emphasize the condition of our hearts, the purpose of a church, and we won’t waste a minute on the modern-day Pharisees. Bless them. I also won’t say things like “This is where God lives” or “This is God’s house,” because WE are the temples of God. When we decide to follow Jesus, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. Our lives should encompass the ways of God: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gooodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Enough of that. Let’s not focus on what a church is not any longer. Let us focus on what we teach our children a church is. A church building is a place of to house worship with other followers of Jesus. More accurately, it is the building where we gather with some people who have decided to follow Jesus and other people from the community as well. We gather there to learn about Jesus, to worship Him, and to be a part of a Body of Believers. At times, we serve with church people and through the church. Other times, we serve with other Christians or on our own as a family or an individual. Most importantly is a lesson that my kiddos are not quite old enough to fully grasp just yet. One day, we will teach them that the church building is just a small part of the real church. The true meaning of “the church” relates to all Christians in the world as a part of the Kingdom of God. Our much-loved church family and the church building that I call my second home is just a tiny, tiny part of Christ’s church. What can we focus on right now while they are tiny? It is most important for them to know that God looks at the hearts of those who love them (nothing outward matters) and that the local church functions as a place to worship together and as an opportunity to serve and learn. Period.
3) We model the best we can. It is important to us, that our children know that our lives and roles as followers of Christ do not come to a halt because of their existence. This Mommy does not stop serving Jesus because of childhoods. In contrast, our children have learned so much about loving others by watching us, supporting us, and serving alongside us. We want our children to be able to think outside of themselves. We want to cultivate hearts for others not hearts focuses inward. Our children are 2, 4, and 6. In their lives, we have always been in ministry whether it was Daddy’s music ministry or Mommy’s work on the Children’s Ministry Council. They have gone along with us to nursing homes and have met elderly women who were blessed by our childrens’ rendition of “Jesus Loves Me.” They have helped clean cars at car washes for the community. They have sorted supplies for Vacation Bible School and have sat in on Mommy’s Adult Sunday Schoool class with Legos when a mild cold required a bit of distance from their preschool friends in the church nursery. In the past couple of years, they have learned about loving people in other cultures as they have shared their parents for a week with another country. I questioned myself at first, mostly due to the concerns of others until one conversation changed my heart forever. I was returning home from a meetingto prepare for my first trip to Haiti. Our oldest child was about to turn five-years-old. As I told my husband about the plans for our mission team, our four-year-old chimed in:
Mommy, maybe if you teach me some more things about Jesus, then I can teach other people about Jesus.” May 7, 2014
We have written that quote from our first-born down and displayed it in our kitchen as a reminder of the little eyes watching their parents. I can’t say that I’ve never questioned our parenting style since. Doubt creeps in but I look at those innocent, meaningful words in my kitchen and I don’t look back. They are learning invaluable lessons about risk, service, and love for God’s children. They are learning that we love them unconditionally but that our lives are for the Kingdom. They are a part of that Kingdom work and other times, they grow from learning that it isn’t always about them.
4) We are equipping them with ways that they can pray for others outside of their immediate surroundings. When we hear a siren, we have made a habit to pray. Our boys associate a siren with “someone is hurting or someone is in trouble.” When they hear a siren, they pray for the one who is hurt, in trouble, or scared. They pray for th police officers, firefighters, or “ambulance guys.” {My precious Paramedic friend, Emily will likely roll her eyes that the world can’t seem to grasp the word for “Paramedic.” Bless those “ambulance guys.”} The boys have also started praying for our friends in Haiti and Peru…or “Pah-ru,” as our preschooler pronounces it. They pray for needs as their eyes are opened to the world around them. They pray for those who are hungry or cold often. While I still shelter them from many of the world sufferings with the discernment of a parent, we do not hide the poverty in this world. How will they ever learn to think outside their own world if they are oblivious to the lives of others?
5) In teaching our children about Jesus, we want them to focus on what we do. Christianity isn’t a rigid list of restrictions. We have freedom in Christ! We are free from the weight of sin and free from legalistic chains. Of course, we teach them the consequences of sin and bad choices and as all parents do, we teach what not to do. That isn’t what I am referring to at all. What am I saying? Christianity is full of joy and Christians can have so much fun! Perhaps part of our mission to them as their first teachers is to help them to discern between activities we must avoid and activities that are wholesome fun! The emphasis in teaching anything to a child should always be on what they “do” rather than what they “don’t do.” Christianity isn’t a call to be miserable. It is a call to live in a way that brings glory and honor to God. It is hard to give practical examples without writing another blog post, but…we “do Santa,” and “The Easter Bunny.” We do it up big. But…we celebrate Jesus in such a ginormous way that we leave the Bunny and Saint Nick in the figurative holiday “dust,” if you will. I’ll elaborate on this in the coming months, but I can say this: I will not teach our children that Christians cannot have fun. Sweet friends, this might be one of the most dangerous misconceptions from childhood regarding faith in Jesus. And if I tell them something truly is dangerous and should be abstained from, I need their trust as opposed to, “Yeah, but you guys even thought Santa was bad.” Yikes! I’m thankful my parents taught us about Jesus in a way that we learned truth, freedom, joy, and enjoyed the “just for funs” of life! Sidenote: My brother and I are both passionate followers of Jesus. This is my only measurable success…but that’s a decent success rate in our current Christian culture where so many “church kids” leave the church in their college/young adult years. Let’s not be too rigid. Keep it fun!
Sweet friends, may our children learn the truth of the Gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, while they are living in our homes. May the love of Christ be the most natural component of family life. May His grace shine through our actions, words, traditions, and lifestyle. We get approximately 17-20 years with each child. May we use the years to the glory of God! Help us, Lord.
From my {imperfect yet striving} Momma heart to yours, ~Courtney
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