To be honest, I don’t know if it makes a difference. Will we ever know before they’re grown? I mean…when my children are thirty, I’ll let you know whether or not I think I got it right. For now, I’m not an expert. I’m just along for the journey.
I knew I had to do something though. As an elementary school teacher, expecting my first baby, I was largely (no pun intended) aware of “entitlement.” I’m not a fan of entitlement. I don’t like to see it in adults. I don’t like to see it creep into my own thoughts or actions. I certainly don’t like to see the developing generation growing up with a warped, entitled perspective. I loved every single one of my students just like I do my own. I promise you that. My heart can hold 27 sweet little guys, just fine. As it is in motherhood, it sometimes is in education. You know those eyes that can see to the root of a deeper problem? I could see so many precious students trying to function despite the disservice of entitlement. I’m not blaming their parents or society. It is what it is.
Too often, my own kiddos are entitled. Too often, I am entitled. Too often, you are entitled too, right? No? Think along the lines of sitting in waiting rooms or driving in traffic. See what I mean? The sinful human nature struggles with pride, envy, greed, arrogance, selfishness…it all snowballs into an ugliness that we refer to as,
Entitlement. Yuck.
I decided that there were several things I could do to fight against the heart issue as I raised my babies, but as soon as they started to talk I heard those two words, “I want.” They still say those words. The baby says those words at least 300 times a day and quite frankly, he can barely form a sentence to communicate unless he begins with, “I want,” and that is quite alright. He can say that as much as his little heart desires because he is simply learning to communicate and his words are currently very limited. No problem.
Here is where I draw the line: Once our children can say the words, “I would like,” I try to encourage that substitution as much as possible. Hear me when I say this: I absolutely do NOT want to hear, “I want…I want…I want…” in a grocery store, at dinner time, and certainly not at another child’s birthday while they are supposed to be patiently waiting for a cupcake.
Don’t the words, “I want,” and, “I would like,” mean the same thing? Nope. I don’t think the message behind those words is the same at all. Most importantly, I don’t think our heart is communicating the same emotion when we say, “I would like ,” rather than those two {yucky and entitled} words that I would rather not hear.
I will explain the difference, but before I can any further, I want to be very clear. You will still hear my children say those words and there are times when it would be silly to avoid that part of the necessary English language. I mean…when we find a preschooler who skins his knee and calmly says, “I would like my mommy, please,” we’ll need to give that little guy an award or get him to the doctor for a check-up…because that would be the furthest thing from normal for a little one. My children, like yours, cry, “I want my mommy!!!” My only response to that is a normal, “Mommy’s coming, babies!!!” Also, my kiddos just mess up. I mess up. They mess up…so yeah, you might hear them yell, “I want a yellow cupcake!” at a birthday party. It’s life. I won’t judge you and you don’t judge me. Okey doke? We all do what we can.
With that said, I do think there is a better way than allowing all of the littles in the world to yell out, “I want this!” “I want that!” “I want to go here!” “I want to watch that!” Therefore, we are working toward a better way of communicating wants, needs, hopes, and frantic toddler pleas. Hear me out about why I think {I really do think} that there is a difference.
I want: communicates an ugly, urgent, needy, demand. It says, “I deserve,” and, “I have to have.” It puts ones selfish desires above everyone else’s priorities or current needs. When our baby yells, “I want juice!” (which again, is completely acceptable. He can’t say much else, after all) he means, “I need it right now!” It doesn’t imply that he would like Mommy to get him juice when she has a free moment. No. First of all, that isn’t the way with toddlers. Secondly, and more relevant to this discussion, that simply isn’t what “want” means. I’m not banishing the words from my home, but I am trying to teach my boys a different way to communicate appropriately as they grow.
I would like: communicates a more patient request. It isn’t nearly as greedy or urgent. Say it to yourself. See? It just doesn’t sound as selfish and ugly. It can even communicate the hope for a desired item rather than the urgent plea for it. For example: We have, on occasion, taken our children Christmas shopping for their cousins or birthday shopping for a friend to a toy store. Other than these sorts of occasions, we don’t visit toy stores with our children. I prefer it that way because they have plenty and we are all very content with the toys that they already have. However, a child who doesn’t visit a toy store is not going to feel contentment in his heart when he finally sees the shiny new toys lining the aisles and shelves. Can I get an “amen?” Which would I rather my child say as I stroll them along in the shopping cart? “I want that monster truck!” or, “I would like that monster truck sometime.” Obviously, one sounds ugly and urgent while the other sounds like a request that can be added to a birthday or Christmas list. Our oldest child is a bit more diligent to say, “I would like that sometime,” than our little guys who are still learning, of course. We always respond with something along the lines of, “Oh wow, Buddy! That would be fun on your Christmas list for later this year,” and for the most part…that has gone rather well!
The same applies to trips to the grocery store. The big boys have been learning, the past few years, to quietly request, “I would like,” and to expect that the request may be denied or it may be granted, when they see snacks that they would enjoy to see in the pantry. The practice also works well when taking turns, at a friend’s party celebration, a trip to the grandparents’ house, and various other places.
It doesn’t always work out that way for me. I don’t overreact when my children say, “I want.” We all say those words because sometimes we just really, really, DO want or need something. Nonetheless, it is a habit that I firmly believe in cultivating. If tweaking our vocabularies will help our hearts to practice contentment, gratitude, selflessness, and patience, then I think it is a worthy cause! This will fail me at times. I may even realize one day that it didn’t make a difference at all to abolish those two little words, but for now…we THINK…it is working quite nicely. In any circumstance, I want our hearts to be focused on thanksgiving. I want our hearts to think of other hearts. And just in case this really DOES work for me, I am sharing this practice with you!
After all, it is “Works For Me Wednesday!” May the middle of your week be blessed as you live a life that exudes thanksgiving to our Savior!
Along with you in this parenting thing,
~Courtney
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