Today, I am saying, “Yes.” I am making a commitment without knowing any details at all. Zero. Zero details, I tell you. I’m (sort of) freaking out about that. Yet, I’d be dishonest if I didn’t tell you how much more peace I feel than fear. For me, this is bigger than big. This is a first. In fact, I kind of thought I had already taken the biggest leap of faith for my lifetime. No, no. I stand corrected. This is a bit trickier.
I’m not a “leap of faith” kind of girl. I’m all about walking by faith…you know…when the path is somewhat clear. This is how I roll: I pray it out, get my ducks in a row, pray some more, iron out some details, kindly plead for a sign, pray again, ask the opinions of wise friends, ask God to be really loud for my doubting heart, think through the remaining fears and doubts, make a plan, hear God speaking to my heart, ask Him for maybe one more sign just for good measure in case I imagined that first sign, and then finally commit when it becomes so obvious that I can no longer deny the direction in which God is asking me to follow. I know that doesn’t sound much like faith at all…but really…baby steps, here. (God was so overwhelmingly faithful to speak extra loudly to my doubting Thomas heart. Thank you, Jesus.) At least, that is what I did the first time. This, my friends, is not my usual. Nope.
This time, it is that still, small voice that I hear every, single day, repeating the same whisperings on my heart. I refuse to ignore the still, small voice of Jesus which means that I am saying, “Yes,” unless I hear otherwise (from God, that is.) I think this must be what walking by faith really feels like. It’s a bit unnerving, but the freedom over here is HUGE! Is this where my trust is (really, really) without borders?
You call me out upon the water, the great unknown, where feet may fail and there I find you in the mystery. In oceans deep, my faith will stand.
I’m such a planner. I am not brave. I will never be adventurous. Yet, Jesus conquers all doubt and fear. He makes the peace louder than the fear of the unknown. I have been pondering this for nearly a year: the way I can feel so much peace, yet count so many reasons to be afraid. Praise Jesus that sometimes our desire to follow Him in our hearts outweighs the doubts and fears of the unknown in our minds. Upon returning from a trip to Haiti, last June, my husband gifted me with a sign that says, “Let your faith be bigger than your fears.” I really thought I had done just that.
And then…today. Today, I know it is time for me to say, “Yes,” so that others can say, “Yes.” While I enjoy leading in most other (normal) circumstances, this is an area where I lack any desire to lead. I’m not exactly a pioneer, you know? God has been speaking to my heart and the direction is undeniable, though perhaps the pathway is rather foggy. I don’t have the same comforts that I had the first time I journeyed this path. The details are so very unironed. Can I really do this without someone else declaring a “Yes!” before me? Can I be the first “YES?” Really, now. What if no one says “yes,” after me? What if all of the “maybes,” and, “I’d like tos” become “not this years?” These questions have been abundant in my mind.
Where feet may fail and fears surround me, you’ve never failed and you won’t start now.
Then, there is that moment. The moment comes where I remember that God is sovereign and I realize that can only mean that he knows the details that I do not know. Thank you, Lord! I do not have to know or figure it all out. I can be still because, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” ~Psalm 139:16
Yes, Lord. If you call us to something, You will write the details. You have already written my story. What do I have to plan? I only have to follow.
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You have called me. Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
So today, I spent time on my knees in my kitchen floor, praying louder than Sesame Street could sing about the letter of the day in the living room where the littles played happily together. Sharing such secrets of one’s day is a bit unnerving in itself, but perhaps being genuine about my doubts will help another heart to be brave. If my “yes” can inspire another to pray about her “yes,” then I suppose that is more than worthy of letting my guard down to speak honestly. May our faith be bigger than our fears. May our eyes be fixed on Jesus. May the desire to plan and the worries from the enemy be squelched out by the peace we have in knowing that God has already written our story and the chapter is already complete. We need only to follow and patiently wait.
I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise. My soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine.
Dear reader friends, will the rest of you, please join me in praying as I partner with other followers of Jesus to begin a journey that will hopefully be titled, “Haiti 2015?” I will be so thankful for your prayers as God reveals the members of our team and the details of our trip. And if, at any point, God says “stay home,” please pray that I will have ears to hear and my response will again be, “Yes, Lord.”
May your faith stand in oceans deep. May your soul rest in His embrace and may you follow Jesus where your trust is without borders.
*This post is based on today’s current God-sized adventure, but is the first in a series,
Where My Trust is Without Borders, where I will share the past journaled experiences from a trip to Haiti in 2014 that absolutely changed my heart forever.*
**The lyrics to “Oceans” by Hillsong United have been woven into this post and are shown in italics. This truly worshipful song was my heart’s anthem in 2014. Singing these powerful words, even silently in my mind, has been a recurring way for my soul to declare that I will follow Jesus further than my feet would ever wander on their own. I have learned, by stepping waaaay out of my comfort zone, that the lyrics are very true. Our faith is made stronger in the presence of our Savior.**